I really can’t tell if Criminal Minds is supposed to be a satire of crime shows or if it’s serious. Everybody on the show plays it straight. I’ve watched like three seasons of it now and I only keep watching to see if I can find a tell one way or the other. So far I get more evidence to satire, but I can’t tell yet if it’s intentional.

6 potatoes (or about 2 lbs or something, whatever you have around), chopped into whatever pieces you think will best suit your mouth hole, skin off or on; your kinks are your business. I usually leave them on. Reds or yellows usually hold up best but use russets if you feel like making a very watery mashed potato soup.
2 medium carrots, sliced and/or diced
1 medium onion quartered (or how ever you like your onion)
2 14 ounce cans of chicken or veg broth or whatever, use water if you want. Be free to be you
3 TBspn butter
1.5 cups milk (more on that later)
1.5 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1 TBspn dill weed (or more if you want, go with your feelings)
1 cup sour cream
2 cups milk (see, I said you’d get more on that later)
2 stalks celery, how you chop it is up to you. I suggest a rough dice but if you also find pleasure in the tiny rainbow shapes slicing it makes, feel free.
Maybe some crushed garlic if you’re feeling frisky?
Cayenne pepper to taste, if you’re feeling even friskier
Salt and pepper to taste

In a large soup pot over medium high heat, fry up your onions and maybe-garlic for a little bit in some oil of your choosing. IMMEDIATELY throw in carrots, celery, potatoes, and broth once you’ve got some grease popping going on with the onions.

Now, cream sauce (no, not that kind): In a medium saucepan over mediumish heat, melt the butter, add the flour once the butter melts, stir that around to keep from burning. We’re making a blonde roux that will thicken the soup, so stir until the flour’s cooked some, but don’t let it burn. Add in the 2 cups milk. Or the 1.5 cups. It doesn’t actually matter. Just stir stir stir, while it heats it up and keep some milk on the side. Bring it to a boil, take off the heat and throw in your cheddar and dill weed and stir them around in there too for good measure. Set it aside, off the heat, and wait for the other shit to finish cooking.

How long does it cook for? As long as you’ve got. Who cares? It’s potatoes. But I think maybe an hour or so will get you there. Just check the potatoes with a fork and be sure they’re cooked through. Everything else is window dressing anyway so who cares if it’s done through?

The original recipe says to blend some of the cooked potato stuff, but honestly just mash it a little with a fork or use an immersion blender if you’re into that kind of thing to smash some of it and thicken a little, but don’t do all the chunks or your hard work will go to waste. Or don’t smash any of it and enjoy your potatoes in their natural, solid state.

Pour the cream sauce and everything else not previously mentioned into the pot, get it back up to heat, taste it for seasoning, adjust as needed, then eat the shit out of it because it’s delicious.

Humans mistake social instincts for intelligence. No wonder we can’t talk to most of the lifeforms on this planet.

If I ever did craigslist, I feel like I’d be that dude that was like “I’ll be the shady guy smoking next to the market entrance at the walmart on such-and-such street”. And then I’d stand there waiting, with a candy cigarette in my mouth, wearing a leather jacket and putting one foot on the wall (so they’d really know I was the shady one they were looking for).

After a while, someone would probably come out of the store and scold me for loitering, and that’s probably when the buyer would show up, see what was unfolding, and peace out.

Following the scuffle, I’d be told I was banned, and I would make like I was headed to my car, but once the security went back indoors, I’d just go in the other entrance, pick up my groceries, and go home with no further interference, one garbage-picked ikea dresser heavy.

Dogs are basically people, except they feel no shame, anger, or resentment when they take a hot dump on their neighbour’s lawn. We have much to learn from them.

What is the fucking point of YouTube annotations? If I’m bored enough with your video that I’d click a random link mid-video, why in fuck would you think I’d want to see more of your shit?

Oh fuck, I had to make a run to the shops today to pick up a few things. SO MANY PEOPLE IN CRINGY ST. PADDY’S DAY NOVELTY ATTIRE (or else buying shittons of it ahead of me at the register). I couldn’t fucking escape it.

But what really killed me was going to the Walmart here, and just out of pure power of suggestion looking for either Killian’s or Guinness (I know Killian’s is Coors, but it’s the vanilla to Guinness’ chocolate). NOPE. But they got half a goddamned aisle of cases of BUD LIGHT!!! Plus at least two mid-aisle stackouts!! BUD LIGHT! WALMART!! Jesus, just buy a case of bottled water - it costs less and it’ll get you more drunk than bud light.

I’m not offended by any of this shit, by the way, I’m just embarrassed for the people who buy into it and go around in the glittery green hats and drink green beer, wear the novelty shirts, and all that nonsense. You look like idiots.

I was going to have baked potato tonight but then I remembered what day it was and felt dirty for even considering it, so I just ate some tuna out of the can instead.

mother-of-the-rose:

mother-of-the-rose:

When daddy Todd makes skyrim for you again 😫😫😫😫👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻😻😻😻💦💦💦💦💦

@ghartok-padhome

I mean, her character kind of deserves it anyway for perpetuating that fucking show. Seriously, that shit is godawful. Unless you like soap operas, in which case I may need to reconsider talking to you. Goddamn that show is the worst.

As someone who loves the cold, goes barefoot in snow, and can’t stand a temperature above 60F, I sure have bought a lot of blankets this year. Barely into march and I already bought three goddamn blankets. Still wake up soaking in sweat every damn day. Why do I do this to myself?